


Closer

by ghostofachancewithyou



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Crying, F/M, Fluff, Hugging, LLF Comment Project, Romance, Self-Insert, Touch Aversion, afraid of being touched, implied possible traumatic experience, touch averse, touch avoidance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 13:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12706356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostofachancewithyou/pseuds/ghostofachancewithyou
Summary: based on the following tumblr anon request:I have a request! female reader/sonny. She's very shy and not a fan of being touched. Her and sonny just started dating and she's scared of telling sonny. Sonny eventually notices because she flinches a lot and asks her. She's afraid of touch turning into more and that her 'no' wont be heard (or something like that). Maybe some cuddling at the end. A lot of comfort!Sonny please! Thanks a bunch!





	Closer

“Are you alright in there, [Y/N]?“

Sonny bit his tongue right after the words had left his mouth. Of course you weren’t, even through the closed bathroom door he could clearly hear you snuffle and blow your nose.

“I’m sorry, yes. Just … just,” but before you could come up with excuse he said:

“No problem, doll. Whenever you’re ready.”

Sonny walked back into the kitchen, sighing. It hurt him to see you suffer like this and he hated that he felt so powerless. He opened a cabinet, pulled out a food container and began to shovel the leftovers of your dinner (his trademark homemade lasagna) into it. Sonny knew that you often forgot to eat or just didn’t feel like it. He couldn’t make your problems go away, but he _could_ make sure you’d have something irresistible waiting for you in your fridge tomorrow. Baby steps.

He walked back into the hall and put the container on the small table next to the bathroom door.

“[Y/N]? You can take the rest of the food home if you want to. It’s right here.”

“Thanks.”

“Sure. I’ll be in the living room if you wanna say goodbye. But if you wanna leave, that’s ok too, alright?”

“Yes. I’m not … I’m not sure yet.”

You had stopped crying and that panicky feeling that had overcome you twenty minutes ago was gone too. But you just didn’t know if you were able to face him again tonight. You felt ashamed. Scared. Confused.

*

Sonny had never questioned why you always kept a distance, never questioned why you didn’t take his hand when he reached out to you. When he had leaned down to kiss you at the end of a particularly lovely evening in Soho, you had flinched away. The sadness in his eyes almost broke your heart.

So on your fourth date you had finally plucked up the courage and told him that you didn’t feel comfortable being touched. At all. By anyone. He had looked a little taken aback – Sonny was never able to hide his feelings completely – but had insisted that it wasn’t a problem. You didn’t believe him. He wasn’t the first guy who had said exactly that and then never called again.

But not Sonny. He had texted you that same evening and asked you on another date. 

It was supposed to be a lovely evening at his place, just having dinner, maybe watching some TV or a movie later. You weren’t even sitting next to each other at his small kitchen table; Sonny had been thoughtful enough to offer you the seat across from him. Everything had been great. Until he had laid his hand on yours, during a quiet moment when you were just looking and smiling at each other. You froze. When he realized what he had done, he pulled away immediately. In theory, it would’ve been perfect. You liked Sonny, but you didn’t like … this. At all. You had gotten up, your eyes already brimming with tears, and fled directly into the bathroom.

*

And here you were.

“No problem, just take your time.” His voice was calm and steady. He meant it and you knew it. “I loved having you over. Text me when you’re home, okay?”

“I will,” you answered, “please don’t worry, I’m fine. I just need another minute.”

There was a silence, and for a moment you thought he had gone back into the living room, but then he answered.

“I …. just want you to know that I’m here for you. No matter how long it takes–I don’t care if it takes a year … I don’t care.”

His voice was full of emotion and you felt yourself tearing up again despite yourself.

Sonny.

You didn’t answer, knowing that he would hear the tears in your voice.

You heard his footsteps grow faint as he walked back into the combined kitchen and living room area.

_Get a grip, girl._

You got up from the stool a little too quickly and grabbed the rim of the sink for balance. You looked in the mirror – your makeup was smudged where you’d wiped away with the tears with your sleeve. Eyes red, lids swollen. Facing him like that seemed out of the question. He had mentioned once that he didn’t get why women were so obsessed with makeup and always wanting to look “perfect”. It had come off a little clumsy and judgy, but you knew it was meant as a compliment, an encouragement to be less self-conscious around him.

You opened the door and stepped out into the dimly-lit hall of Sonny’s small apartment. On a small table next to you was the leftover lasagna – with a note on top of it. You picked it up.

“I loved spending time with you. Hope you feel better soon. Sonny x”

The living room door across from you was ajar and you could hear Trevor Noah’s voice coming out of the TV.

You made a decision.

“What did I miss?” you asked as you entered the room and walked towards the sofa where Sonny was sitting. 

“Kenneth Branagh was the celeb guest … only know him from that Harry Potter movie,” Sonny answered, trying to not let it show how surprised he was that you hadn’t left.

“He’s overrated …”

You sat down on the couch, a generous foot away from him. 

“Who, Kenneth Branagh or Harry Potter?”

“Both, probably.”

You chuckled and turned to look at Sonny. He smiled right back at you, all dimples and bright eyes. Rosy cheeks, disheveled hair. Beautiful.

Then he dropped his smile.

“[Y/N], I want to apologize for what happened earlier. I should’ve asked before I touched you. There is no excuse … I … If there’s anything I can do for you. If you need someone to talk … And if you don’t wanna talk about this with me, I can ask one of my female colleagues … did you know that the statute of limitations–”

“Sonny,“ you whispered, “it’s not your fault. It’s not mine either. And you deserve to know why … why I reacted the way I did. It’s just that … I’m not ready to tell you. I know it would make it much easier, but … I just can’t.”

“I don’t deserve anything. You don’t owe my anything I just love spending time with you, talking to you. Just the fact that you’re here now. It means a lot. You mean a lot to me.”

He sounded a little insecure now, even vulnerable as he dropped his gaze and studied the fringe of the blanket he’d been playing with for the last minute.

“You mean a lot to me, too.”

He looked up and smiled at you again. Tired, happy. A strand of his hair had fallen onto his forehead. You wondered …

You inched closer to him but stopped before your thighs touched his.

Your face had never been so close to his. His right hand was resting on the back of the sofa, his left was resting on his knee.

This is Sonny, the man you’re falling in love with. He’s different. He’s not going to hurt you.

“Could you …,” you began, hesitating for a moment, “could you just stay still?”

“Of course.”

You reached out and ran the tips of your fingers through his hair, once, twice. You began to shake slightly, but not out of fear. Just the sensation of his blond and gray streaks against your digits sent a shiver through your body. After all, it had been the hair that had caught your interest in the first place. Then his smile. And the eyes, of course. And, one conversation later, his kindness. 

“It feels good,” Sonny whispered, his eyes closed now.

“Yeah.”

More than that. It felt great. _You’re touching him and nothing bad is happening._ Feeling bolder now, you ran your fingers directly over his scalp and pulled his hair a little. Sonny gasped.

It was your instinct that guided you. Your left hand was still caressing his hair, but your right one began to move down to the back of his neck, massaging the smooth skin. There was a warmth radiating off him … you couldn’t describe it. You were so close now that you could smell the subtle scent of the cologne he had put on this morning.

“Sonny, can we try?”

He knew what you meant. He felt your body leaning forward, moving closer into his orbit of warmth. He wrapped his shivering arms around you.

His fingertips were so soft on your back.

Like snow falling.

It felt right, for the first time in your life.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, whose goal is to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
> 

> 
> This author replies to comments.
> 
> ***  
>  [I'm on tumblr.](http://ghostofachancewithyou.tumblr.com)


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